commentary

Midwinter Holiday

I recently followed this discussion of Christmas on a mailing list:

A:   Although I like the family gatherings and Christmas, I am outraged at how commerialized this holiday has become.

B:   What does this mean, exactly? I always hear about the commercialization of Christmas. What do people mean when they say this? That there are decorations in the stores? That people buy each other gifts? What?

C:   The commercialization of Christmas means that you think everyone should celebrate it and that it's a time to buy gifts for one another. That's not true. I'm Jewish, and I don't celebrate Christmas because Christmas is a religious holiday which celebrates the birth of Jesus. Buying gifts was not originally the meaning of the day.

D:   I don't think everyone should celebrate Christmas - obviously, many people around the world do not because their religion is different - to each his own. But I'm not sure why those of us who do somehow need to be "apologetic" for remembering our loved ones with gifts. Gifts were brought to the Christ child in the manger - it's not something thought up on Madison Avenue last year to sell more goods. And I'm still not following why having Christmas things for sale is an affront to anyone who doesn't want to buy them.

E:   It's more the 'in your face' presentation of Christmas things... Everywhere you turn and look, there's a Christmas tree, tinsel, baubles, jingle bells, etc.

Internet Friends, Internet Self

On the Internet, Nobody Knows You're a Dog
-- from a cartoon by Peter Steiner, published in The New Yorker, July 5, 1993.

Who are you? Are you always the "same" person? When you're alone? When you're with friends (old or new)? When you're with your parents? Your spouse, children, co-workers, the checker at the grocery store?

When you're on the Internet?

On the Internet, many of us are different. No one sees us. We can "be" whomever we want to be. We can be more relaxed. We can be more personal. We can be... different.

Why I Write

I've always liked to write; when I was much younger, I wrote a lot of poems and short stories. For several years in Junior High and High School I did a periodic "newspaper" for my family.

I don't recall keeping any sort of diary or journal during elementary school or High School. I did keep a regular journal through all four years of College. I can't remember what triggered that, but I wrote in it most every day. I still have the first volume of that journal (discovered recently in a box with my HS yearbooks and a couple of photo scrapbooks). If I still have the remaining volumes, they are stored in a place so safe even I don't know where it is. To be honest, I'm not sure I would want to read those journals if I could find them again. Perhaps they're better off in that "safe place".

Worse is worse (after all)

I read Richard Gabriel's The Rise of "Worse is Better" several years ago on the recommendation of my then-manager. He recommended a number of interesting essays, many of which I have collected and saved.

I don't keep a pointer to "Worse is Better". I didn't like the essay when I read it; from the title to the content, it struck a bad chord with me. Worse is never better.

Recently, Jim Waldo produced his own essay, entitled "Worse is worse", which clarifies my thinking about (and my objections to) Richard Gabriel's "Worse is better". I'm thankful to Jim for putting his insights down on e-paper; I've added "Worse is worse" to my collected Software Engineering papers.

One of our favorite quotes comes from Rob Kolstad:

Better isn't always Better, but Better is always Different.

Perhaps the same can be said of "worse".

Choosing a Job; Choosing a Company

I had a few second thoughts about writing this entry. What if a potential future employer should read it and base a decision about me on what I say here? Then I thought, so what? If they do, and they don't like what I have to say, that's their problem, not mine. Better to find out sooner than later. And, perhaps the decision would be in my favor, after all.

I was reading through a job listing that came over my email today. It began as follows:

The XYZ Company is one of the Nations fastest growing e-tailers. We have got an opportunity of a lifetime for the right individual. Headquartered in the Silicon Valley, but with thousands of incredible customers across the nation, XYZ.com specializes in the sale of products which everyone needs and uses - Cleaning, Janitorial, Maintenance & Office Supplies. With over 30,000 products, XYZ is quickly becoming one of the leading brands within the category.

Woo hoo. So... why don't I care?

I really don't want (or need) to know about the company first and foremost. Give me a URL, let me do a little research. But start the job description with... the job description. Is that so difficult?

Fear and Caution Could Kill You

Are you afraid of new situations? Or are you a bold adventurer? Do you prefer predictable, familiar surroundings? Or do you like to explore and try new things? You may feel safe, but you might not live as long as those who are less inhibited! At least... if you're a rat.

Arguing for the Team

If it weren't for a lot of arguing, one of the great partnerships in American history might never have gotten off the ground.

One hundred years ago this month, Wilbur and Orville Wright flew the first airplane. One key reason for their success, according to Mark Eppler's book The Wright Way: 7 Problem-Solving Principles from the Wright Brothers That Can Make Your Business Soar, is that they were able to argue constructively.
...
The brothers listened closely, thinking about how the other person's comments could lead to fresh ideas, and they were open to changing their attitudes.

[c.f. Dialogue can lead to lift-off, Dec. 13, 2003, Dave Murphy, S F Chronicle columnist

Online Friends

friend n.

1. A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2. A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
3. A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.

Friends help you move. Real Friends help you move bodies. (found on a t-shirt)

"I really don't like it when other people assume their personal problems are interesting to me, and here I am acting as though mine are interesting to you" (Mandarin Plaid ,by S. J. Rozan, 1996, St. Martin's Press)

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

A real friend will tell you the truth

What is a friend? Is it your best friend from elementary school, with whom you've shared secrets for 30 years? Certainly. But... is the waitress you chat with 3 nights a week at your favorite diner a friend? What about your College roommate, with whom you still exchange Holiday cards but not much else? What about your co-workers? (Miss Manners (Judith Martin) has been counseling for years about misinterpreting a working relationship as friendship).

Online Relationships

You're sitting with a group of friends, perhaps a dozen at most, at a gathering of your favorite kaffeeklatch. Everyone has a mug of coffee or tea, hot chocolate or punch, or (at this time of year) maybe cider or eggnog. You're munching on some incredible calorie-free cookies from a recipe you found on the Internet.

Everyone has a cat on his or her lap; other cats lounge around the room. Occasionally a dog wanders through, although he never stays long. Everyone is smiling and laughing and talking. Conversations run together like streams of water. This is your daily chance to unwind, to share conversation with friends.

Taking Offense

Political Correctness is the attempt not to offend people who want to be offended

What can you do about people who insist on taking offense where none was meant? Where the people supposedly responsible for giving the offense weren't even talking about the person who has chosen to be offended?

A fellow member of a mailing list to which I subscribe has decided that she's tired of the "insults" and "put downs" she's recently seen on the list. Unfortunately, she's seeing phantoms. No one has insulted her. No one has attacked her. Indeed, the messages to which she refers don't pertain to her in any way. They're the result of a new thread of discussion. Unfortunately, that thread of discussion is, remotely, related to a thread she started. And, also unfortunately, she apparently sees something of herself or her situation in the newer thread.

It's a short jump from "some of those words could be used to describe my life" to "stop talking about me!" Especially if one is not feeling... entirely at peace with oneself at the moment... Under pressure, it can be all too easy to tie unrelated comments and discussions together and reach the wrong conclusions.

Any resemblance to persons living, dead, or fictionalized elsewhere is purely coincidental.

'Tis the season to be stressful. Try to maintain your balance.