This is a tale of two psychological Types; they share a temperament group, but different Interaction styles. They also have similar but opposite cognitive function stacks.
Pat, a lecturer and non-fiction author, has preferences for INTP. Jan, a programmer and student in one of the areas Pat writes about, has preferences for INTJ. Jan has been reading one of Pat's books and longs for a more easily portable copy. So, Jan writes to Pat, asking if any thought has been given to making an ebook available at some point.
Pat responds, saying the book is considered to be a workbook, not a textbook, so it really needs to be in paper format.
Jan writes back, acknowledging the workbook but commenting that readers don't always view books in the same way the author meant. As a reader, Jan views the book as a reference text; it's the reference material Jan wants to be able to refer to readily in electronic format.
Pat responds, saying "I appreciate your feedback and input, but I don't appreciate the tone of it." A day later, Pat writes again, apparently having had second thoughts. This note says "I suppose my feedback wasn't asked for and neither was it completely welcome."
Pat then continues, and this is where the differences in the function stack become clear. Pat adds:
I was reminded of something someone once told me the day after we had had an argument about something and I apologized for coming on so strong. He said something to the effect of 'Do you want to be right, or do you want to be heard?'
Do you want to be right, or do you want to be heard?Pause for a moment and answer this question for yourself. Is the answer "obvious" in your mind? From the phrasing, Pat probably expected the answer to be obvious to Jan and, indeed, it was. Only... the obvious to Jan is likely not the answer Pat was expecting.
Jan's thinking is: "If this is phrased as an "or", there's only one possible choice. I'd rather be right."
Being a programmer (and an NT), Jan decided to investigate why this was so obvious, yet probably not what Pat was expecting.
First, from the logic point of view, if we have:
right || heard
then, if we negate both, we have
! (right || heard)
!right || !heard
But again, why such an immediate and unqualified response? And why might Pat have expected a different response?
Let's dig a little bit deeper, this time into the function stack.
Pat has preferences for INTP. The first four functions are Ti Ne Si Fe. Jan has preferences for INTJ. The first four functions are Ni Te Fi Se.
Fe is all about group values and harmony. Fi is about personal values.
Pat, with preferences for Fe, views harmony and being heard as an important value. Jan, however, with preferences for Fi, has three strong personal values: truth, personal integrity, and authenticity. The idea of leaving out facts (valuing being "heard" over being "right") would require rejecting Jan's personal values. IN strange quirk of phrasing, "I would rather be right than be heard" (or, at least "I would rather be not hard if in order to be heard I had to be not right") is one of Jan's closely held personal values.
Two similar psychological Types, with a shared temperament, but vastly different value systems.